Because of Me
by WeasleySeeker
Summary: Following a childhood of nothing but tragedy, Remus Lupin has no intention of changing his isolated life and works in a library with few visitors. The appearance of a certain purple-haired young woman starts to convince him that maybe there's more life left in him, but will the burden of what he is stop him from living it? —Muggle!AU.


**A/N: Hello readers! I haven't been inspired to write a multi-chap for a long while, and although this won't be very long (probably 3-5 chapters max), I decided I needed something new to get my teeth into.**

**Credit for the idea of librarian!Remus goes to Sylvia - I was given this as part of a scenario for a challenge that kind of died long before I got round to writing something for it.**

**This is my first attempt at a Muggle!AU, and while I've included as many elements from the series as I can, the parallels aren't perfect and there are many details that I've missed out altogether. Even so, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it! :)**

* * *

People, Remus had always thought, were interesting to watch. And working in a habitually empty library with a large window that looked out over the busy high street gave him a lot of opportunity to do so.

There was the typical businessman, who stopped to grab a coffee and a sandwich, making himself late for work; he weaved through the other people impatiently, constantly glancing at his watch. There was the weary-looking single mum, pushing a pram containing a screaming baby, with a school uniform-clad six-year-old in tow. Lagging behind, the child dragged his scuffed shoes along the floor as the mother snapped at him to hurry up. There was the retired old lady with nothing better to do than aimlessly wandering the streets of her childhood, bathing in memories. And there was the teenaged girl with the excessive foundation and the too-short skirt, chattering enthusiastically on her mobile phone and not making any haste to get to school on time.

He tried to tell himself that the reason he looked out of the window so much was because of his fascination with stories. Watching people, getting these tiny glimpses into their lives, gave him stories, snapshots of what it was like to be them. But in reality, he knew that it was because he was jealous. They were glimpses into a world that he could never truly be part of because of what he was.

All Remus had achieved in his life so far was hurting people, and he wasn't going to allow himself to make the same mistake again.

* * *

On the day that changed everything, Remus was actually busy for once. The previous afternoon, he'd had a visit from his boss, Albus Dumbledore - a wise but eccentric old man with long silver-white hair, a beard and a strange dress sense. Albus brought news of an inspection from the council, and he wanted a new, modernised classification system up and running before then. Unhelpfully, his colleague, Hestia Jones, had called in sick that day, so Remus was left to spend a day filing and reorganising books all by himself.

Engrossed in his task as he was, he barely noticed when the door opened and a person entered the library.

Once this fact has registered, Remus almost jumped up, leaving the pile of books he was sorting through abandoned on the floor. This was probably only the second or third person to come in all week, given that very few people strayed beyond the central library a few streets away. Only the specialised books were stored in the library that Remus worked in.

"Hello! How can I help you?" Remus asked, possibly a little too earnestly.

The woman - twenty-something, with bright purple hair and sporting a t-shirt of a band that Remus had never heard of - didn't seem even remotely taken aback and replied enthusiastically. "Hi! I'm looking for the police training textbooks? I was told to look in here."

"Ah, yes. They're just on that shelf over there, I believe," Remus told her, pointing her in that direction. "Let me know if you need any more help!" he called as she began browsing.

Remus had barely got back to his filing when he heard a huge crash from the other side of the library.

"My God, I'm so sorry!" the purple-haired woman exclaimed; she'd knocked over a stand and there were books littering the floor. "I'm meant to be training to be an undercover policewoman! I'm such a liability."

"Don't worry about it," Remus assured her, chuckling.

"Are you sure? Here, let me help put them back... Remus." She must have noted Remus's confusion as she grinned and added, "It says on your name badge."

_"Oh_. Right," Remus said, a little flustered. "Well..."

"Tonks," she supplied.

"Well, Tonks, it just so happens that we're implementing a new classification system, so all the books needed to be moved anyway. You're actually speeding up my job a little."

Tonks snorted. "Well, unless it's a system that has books all over the floor, I doubt I've made much difference."

"Either way, it's not a problem," Remus told her, smiling kindly. Tonks smiled back for a long moment, before Remus reminded her, "Weren't you looking for some textbooks?"

"Oh, yeah," she said, glancing down at the list in her hand and pulling three books off the shelf next to the stand she'd knocked over. "Great! You've got them! I looked everywhere in the big library."

"Most of the books here are ones that were at the central library and didn't get taken out much," Remus explained as he took her over to the desk to get the books checked out.

"Really? So it's the reject library."

Remus laughed. "I suppose you could think of it that way. I don't, though."

"Nor do I," Tonks said decisively. "I mean, I've only been here once, but it's nice here. Peaceful. And you've been really helpful."

"Only doing my job," Remus told her, but in reality, the comment made him very happy. It was good that even with the little human contact he experienced, he could make a positive impression on someone. "Have you got your library card?"

"Somewhere," she said, and handed it to him after combing through her bag looking for it.

He scanned it, and couldn't help himself from commenting when her name came up on the system: _Nymphadora Tonks. _"Nymphadora... why do you call yourself Tonks?

"Are you joking?" she demanded. "I have no idea what my mother was on when she called me that. It's _awful_."

"I like it," Remus told her, although he wasn't sure if he genuinely did or if he was just trying to be nice. Tonks just scowled at him, so he decided to change the subject. "They're due back on the tenth, unless you renew them beforehand."

"Right. Thank you!"

"Again, just doing my job. Enjoy them."

"That's not quite the word I'd use," Tonks said, rolling her eyes, "but they should be useful for my coursework. I'm so glad the assessment is mainly practical. Ooh, actually, before I leave, maybe I'll find something that I _will_ enjoy..."

She scurried over to the meagre crime novel section and selected a book from there.

"My colleagues all scoff about how inaccurate they are," she told Remus with a smirk, "but... they're a guilty pleasure."

"I won't judge," Remus promised.

"Thanks." Tonks pulled out her phone and checked the time on it. "Blimey, is that the time already? You know, I've never met such a talkative librarian. That's a good thing, by the way," she added, when Remus looked unsure.

"Oh - thank you." Remus wasn't used to compliments.

"You're welcome," Tonks said, giggling. "I should go now, but I'll be seeing you again soon!"

"I certainly hope so."

After she'd left, Remus reflected. "I certainly hope so" had been meant as a jokingly stern reminder to bring the books back on time, but Tonks was the first person for a while that had brought a real smile to his face, and he genuinely looked forward to seeing her again. She had something about her - a spark that seemed to light up the room when she was there.

Then he remembered that it was a bit weird to be thinking this about someone he'd just met who was at least ten years younger than him. Maybe he should get out more.

Except he shouldn't; past experience told him that because of what he was, having friends was a bad idea. Best to stick with how he was now - isolated, unhappy, but not endangering others. That was the way to do it.

* * *

_Damn, _Tonks thought, rummaging in her bag once again. She must have let her keys drop out when she was looking for her library card earlier. She'd have to go in for them tomorrow - the library would be closed by now.

Although she knew that it was probably pointless, she rang the doorbell in case there was the slightest chance that someone was in, but she knew that neither of her housemates would be. Cathy was visiting her parents, and Fleur didn't finish work until seven, so it looked like Tonks would be waiting outside until then.

She groaned. Not only did the idea of sitting on the doorstep for an hour not exactly thrill her, but sometimes even the thought of Fleur filled her with irritation. There weren't many people who had that effect on Tonks, but Fleur Delacour was one of them. They were polar opposites, and if Tonks was ever feeling down, she resented Fleur's gracefulness as well as her perfect body, perfect hair and perfect boyfriend. Coincidentally, Tonks had even been to the same school as him, although she was a couple of years younger. Bill Weasley, the ideal human. Intelligent, witty - even attractive. While she always vehemently refused Fleur's offers to set her up on a date with Bill's brother, Charlie, Tonks did sometimes wonder if she'd taken the idea of being a strong, independent woman to heart a bit too much. Sometimes she did feel like there was something missing in her life.

Sighing, she pulled out one of the textbooks from her bag; she'd planned to collapse in front of the TV and spend the evening watching films and eating junk food, but she might as well use this time productively. But even that resolution seemed to fail, as every time she tried to start reading, her mind turned back to the librarian who had served her earlier.

He was earnest, helpful and even friendly, but there was something strange about him. Maybe he was just lonely. Maybe it was Tonks's innate desire to help people that was making her read too far into things. But there was something about his ragged clothes, the dark circles under his eyes and even just the way he held himself that made Tonks think that Remus was carrying some kind of great burden.

And, weird as it seemed, she wanted to find out if she was right.


End file.
